Spider moments

‘’n Soetrissie-rooi stippie

snel oor my boek op agt wimpertjies

ongehinderd deur die wind.

Amper-nie raak ek hom aan

en sien ‘n pienk smeerseltjie

op die jammer papier.’

Sheila Cussons

It was a usual Thursday morning and I was sitting in the therapy room, on the carpet with a child, engrossed in the activity that we were busy with. Suddenly, along with the child’s panicked utterance, I saw a tiny spider making its way laboriously over the floor. So small, only slightly larger than the full-stop at the end of the sentence I was writing. Without thinking, just to stop the child’s dismay, I wiped the spider away – squishing it in the process. And suddenly, this careless action struck me ever so deeply.

How easily do I disregard a life that I deem to be less important than mine? This small spider was an egg once, maybe one of several thousands that actually came to hatching. And such a tiny creature was skilled enough to weave minute webs and catch insects to survive and grow. Each tiny, unobserved, undocumented action played an important role in sustaining this world that we are living in, that needs to keep on supporting us while we so ruthlessly live out our ego-driven lives. And I, in my thoughtlessness just wiped a life worth living away in a split second.

A few weeks after that, I visited the coastal areas of the Western Cape for a week. And despite the severe salty sea winds and the sandy soil, I saw thousands of Erica bushes with tiny blooms, withstanding the harsh elements to provide shelter and food, to keep the soil from eroding away. I could have easily just stepped on them, destroyed their attempts underfoot – but by then I was more aware, and gratefully tread around them.

There is a familiar saying, to appreciate the ‘small’ things in life. But how small are we talking about? What about a child, clumsily trying to tie their own shoelaces, but we are too rushed to get to school so we just finish the job for them. What about another child, struggling to accomplish the mammoth task of thinking of and sequencing a sentence – and then we just jump in and finish the sentence for them. Assuming their thoughts and giving them our words. The first time a child initiates a play interaction or attempts to make their beds – those insignificant tiny spider moments that we just squish without a second thought. Without realizing that it is actually those moments that gradually build up to the big moments. The moments that we deem worthy of celebration.

I have been pondering on the worth we place on human life as well, reading accounts of people who survived the Holocaust and looking at the historical eugenics programmes of people with deemed disabilities. Could mass murderous actions like these begin with the disregard of small spider moments? With valuing yourself and your needs and rights higher than another life form. There is currently so many right movements around the world – gender rights, disability rights, animal rights – the list goes on. For me it speaks about the world we live in, which if we look back in history has never been tolerant, loving or forgiving. That has always been dominating, power-seeking and prescriptive.

I have been asking myself how quick am I to judge, without respecting life as something worth protecting just because I deem it unimportant. My perceptions are fluid and change, and so do my emotions. I am also a product of a time period in history, with specific influences and cultural and religious movements. How am I handling the spider moments in my everyday life? How do I react when a spider moment with my child is just seen as an inconvenience or a waste of time. Do I value the small spider moments in my therapy room, and allow time for them to develop? Do I celebrate every step, every small moment as an accomplishment in itself? Or am I so involved with this post-modernistic world that I only see big gains, productivity and accomplishments as worthy of preserving? I hope not.

I want to be the person that picks up the tiny spider and takes it outside – rather teaching someone else about respecting life and preserving it. I want to be the one that teaches that life is not to be feared, or dominated, or destroyed. I want to be someone that encourages spider moments as I weave the web of my life. May I be able to catch happiness and peace and pass them on to the ones so precious to me. May I tread carefully, mindfully as I make my way through life. And may you also start seeing and preserving the small spider moments in yours.