Superman Saves The Play!

One of the gaps in my practice that I wanted to fill, was the lack of fantasy and dress-up clothes and props. Fantasy play is so powerful for a number of reasons, especially when it starts to emerge in children without good abstract problem solving. A wooden sword or a stethoscope can be the push that a child needs to submerge themselves in symbolic play.

So, being the over eager person that I can be (I am still learning to be more balanced) I spent the whole April holiday in front of my sewing machine, creating the makings of a dinosaur, Peppa Pig, Chase from Paw Patrol and a superhero. It was wonderful to see how this prompted my own children to play. I had a two year old dinosaur running around roaring at the top of his voice, and a four year old policeman writing tickets and putting everyone in jail. They took turns being a fireman, which was quite dangerous as they really wanted to extinguish the fire we made in the house to keep warm. But nonetheless, it provided hours of fun for children and adults alike.

So why is pretend play so important? Why would I spend all my free time pursuing this goal for all of the children that cross my doorstep?

Pretend play or symbolic play is a very important shift that children make cognitively from the concrete to the abstract world. For a toddler a box is a box, but a preschooler can imagine that a box is a car, or a space craft which opens up a world of possibilities. As play becomes more complex, we start developing cognitive skills such as problem-solving, planning, sequencing and cognitive flexibility. We start thinking of different options, different possibilities as we stretch our mental capacities. If we share this play we learn to collaborate, to see someone else’s point of view, to plan and solve problems together. We learn the skills we need for teamwork and for functioning in a social group. Our language develops as we describe all of these play ideas and string them into actions. So much richness comes from symbolic play, which is why I often revert back to it if a child gets stuck on a higher level. A lot of highly intelligent, gifted children who struggle emotionally, often skipped this part of development or didn’t robustly engage in this kind of play when you start looking at their play development.

Emotionally symbolic play is just as important. Dr Stanley Greenspan talks about boundary emotions – you can only know what you are, if you know what you are not. We can sometimes be concerned if a child wants to be the bad guy in play, or an evil character. But they get to experience what it feels like to be bad in the safe context of play, just as they experience what it means to be good. Children often play out traumatic experiences or difficult concepts in play. As a therapist I have been killed, decapitated, burned, put in jail and shot numerous times, and sometimes left for dead without a second glance. I have participated in a funeral and have been part of abandoning children (in the form of dolls) and neglecting them. What is amazing is that when a child has played out these themes enough, they often shift to more nurturing and cooperative play themes and none off the ill-intent remains. But if you stop them they often get stuck and won’t move forward.

Symbolic play helps a child to establish their egos, to work through issues that they often don’t understand, to explore things that usually would be impossible or uncomfortable.

As a child I was an expert in pretend play. I used to play with friends, after which they needed re-assurance that they were really safely back on earth and that no men from outer space would come and get them – often to the dismay of their protective parents.

My advice would be to give your child as many play options as you can, and to encourage as many play themes as you can. To be part of the richness of their symbolic play, rather than stopping or limiting it with logic or explanations. Because in symbolic play, anything is possible. This will mean examining yourself and what you are comfortable with. Some parents dislike killing or shooting games and would intervene because they are uncomfortable with violence. Other parents might think some play themes are too gender specific and discourage them. Parents are often concerned that if their child participates in certain play themes, they will become aggressive. A rule is that as long as everyone is safe and no-one gets hurt, children can explore as many play themes as they need to.

Don’t we as adults still participate in pretend play? I don’t think we ever get away from it, although we don’t always identify it as such. If I put on a fancy dress and wear my high heels there is a part of me that calls out ‘princess’. That is assuredly how every woman feels on her wedding day. And if a man mounts his trustworthy steed (aka motorcycle or sportscar) in search of adventure, how different is that from a boy playing musketeer? It is the playful parts of ourselves that often bring us the greatest joy and perspective.

So, drive that car, wear that shade of extra red lipstick, go on that hiking trail into the unknown – and give acknowledgement to the little girl and boy that used to play house, or war, or policeman or in my case dinosaur! Join your children in their play. May superman always save your play!