Mindfulness IN connection

There has been an increase in the common awareness of mindfulness practices recently. Research has shown that children that participate in these practices have positive outcomes in terms of attention and emotional regulation. But it also helps to nurture children who will become more resilient adults, who can manage stress and uncertainty in an ever changing, fast-paced world. Who would not want that for their children?

In simple words, mindfulness is being in the here-and now, being present and accepting the present as it is. To be able to master it, is not easy – which explains all the courses available out there. It takes intention, time, and discipline. Overcoming our ever-resounding impulses to think ahead, or worry about the past, to plan and organise, to worry, to self-loathe, to go-go-go…

As a parent, I find being present very difficult. It feels as if my body, mind, and soul is often stretched and split into so many pieces to be able to attend to all the demands out there. I may be playing with my child and be physically present, but my mind is trying to figure out what to make for dinner, reminding myself to send out that email, praying for the war between Russia and the Ukraine, being aware of so many things going on in the world. Things that I would never have been aware of if I lived a few centuries ago. As John Eldredge describes in his book ‘Get your life back’ where he calls it information overload, cautioning that we were not created to carry the whole world’s burdens on our backs, but only those in our immediate community. The more overloaded I become, the less patient and kind I am, and the more it impacts on my relationships.

Do my children pick up on this? Yes! Of course, they do! I find that being mindful in connecting with others is not just important for my own emotional health, but for the relationships I nurture as well. So many experts will tell you that it is better not to spend time with your children when you do not feel up to it, than to spend time because you feel guilty and then not truly being present.

So maybe mindfulness starts with choices, specifically what we choose to pay attention to and on what we choose to spend our time on. Who and what we let in. Little by little we need to take control of what we get bombarded with. We need to close the door to all the noise, so that we can hear the melody that we were created to be.

Another key aspect to being present is accepting ourselves – flaws and all. Even though you didn’t get all the work done that you set out to do, even though your house is a mess, even though your child was very rude (but sounded exactly like you), you forgive and accept yourself. Shauna Niequist describes it so well in her book Present over Perfect, which I have read three times already and still feel I need to read again. Being present, being mindful – and being thankful for the given moment.

As an occupational therapist we work a lot on integration – integration of both sides of the body, integration of our senses, integration of motor and cognitive functions, integration of regulatory functions, integration of our inner and outer experiences. All of these enables us to live and navigate in bodies that we feel comfortable in – that we can be present in. So maybe mindfulness is just another word for integration – integrating body, soul and mind. Having all parts of you together in the present moment. Being aligned, being whole. And accepting whatever that might mean for you.

But also being integrated with another person. Then we can be mindful IN connection – but also THROUGH connection. So my hope for you is may you seek out opportunities to be present with your children. May you feel that spark of connection that light up their faces when they know they have you – ALL of you for a moment. When they feel truly heard and truly seen. It benefits them, but as you pick the fruits of those rich and layered moments, your whole world will start to change. And the noise and the to-do lists suddenly become less important than the treasure you have in the present moment.

As Brené Brown says:

‘Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.’

May you be mindful in connection, may you be present for connection and may you find yourself through connection.